My respite provider says I am doing this so wrong, so I have to ask your opinion. A few weeks ago, my oldest son started dating a very nice young lady from his school. He is 18, she is 19. They are both very immature due to their disabilities, but she has actually been very good for him. He is a totally different person when she is around, and is maturing a great deal under her influence.
However, he cannot seem to understand that he still has a curfew, particularly on school nights. A few weeks ago, he came home from her house well after dark, without having called or made any attempt to let us know he would be late. (At that point, we didn’t know her phone number, so we couldn’t call to tell him to come home.) So, we grounded him for 1 week. We also told him that if he didn’t bother to get up on time the next morning, his grounding would be doubled. You guessed it, he didn’t get up, so he lost 2 weeks of seeing her outside of school hours.
His grounding ended just in time for prom, so they went to that, but we were transporting so he had no opportunity to break his curfew.
Next, she went to her mom’s house for a week (they have shared parenting). Since her mom lives a bit further from us than her dad does, we again had to transport Robbie back and forth, so he was home on time.
On Sunday, she moves back to her dad’s house, and Robbie goes to visit. We told him he needed to leave her dad’s house by 7 pm so he was home by 7:30. He called home about 5:00 and asked if he could stay for dinner. Again, we told him he had to leave by 7, but as long as they were done with dinner by then, he was welcome to eat there.
He gets home at 7:45, and lies when we asked him what time he left their house, saying he left at 7:00, until I challenged him on it. Then, he admitted he left at 7:15. So, I grounded him from seeing her for a week, but said he could keep his phone privileges this time.
On Monday, he brings her home from school with him! Now he has lost his phone privileges as well.
My respite provider says I should have just forgiven the 15 minutes. I think that since this has been an ongoing problem, and since he lied, he was asking for it. Your opinion?