How do you stop a kid from swearing?

We’ve been working with a therapist to try to get my kids to manage their anger in a more constructive way.  This guy, John, is really good.  He works at the Crisis Center here in Canton, in a program called Multi-Systemic Therapy.  The basic idea is that you get everyone who is involved with the child on the same page as far as discipline until you pretty much wear the child down and he chooses to behave.

Challenger Baseball, a Division of Little League

If you’ve never heard of Challenger Baseball, you’re not alone.  However, the organization boasts over 30,000 players.  I hadn’t heard of it either, until my three boys brought home a flyer from school, inviting them to join the Canton league.  If you have differently-abled children, ask around and see if you have a league where you live.  Here’s the official Little League page on Challenger, which has a search function to find a league near you.

Challenger Baseball allows children up to age 25 of all ability levels to enjoy the Great American Pastime.  We have kids in wheelchairs, kids with autism, kids with Down Syndrome, kids who are deaf, and kids with behavior problems.  Last summer, we even played a team that included a child who was blind.  We make accommodations to fit each child’s abilities so they can play.  It’s coach-pitch, but if that’s too much for the child, they can hit off of a tee.  No one is out at 1st base, and everyone bats in each of the 2 innings we play, so everyone gets to get on base.  (In fact, with some kids, we let them go all the way around, even if they’re out!)  These kids get so much enjoyment out of the game, it’s impossible to not get involved.

So, we’ve become intensely involved over the years.  I am the league secretary, and this year, I’ve been put in charge of one of the fundraisers.  Now, don’t stop reading at the mention of a fundraiser!  This is actually a good one.  We’ve put together a cookbook featuring over 300 recipes from our players and their families.  And you can pre-order a copy for only $10 (plus $3.50 shipping in the U.S.  I’ll have to figure out how much it costs to ship overseas.).  The books will be available for shipping this summer.  If you’re interested, send me an e-mail at bphilley(at)ProBizAssoc.com.  (Remember to replace the (at) with a real @ sign.)

Thanks!

Healing Autism

Did anybody see The Bonnie Hunt Show yesterday (4/16/09)?  I was at a doctor’s appointment and forgot to set the TiVo before I left.  Jenny McCarthy was supposed to be on, discussing a cure for autism that apparently worked wonders for her son.  Although none of my kids are “officially” autistic, my middle son is awfully darn close.  I just wondered what she had to say – whether it made any sense or not.

If you’ve had a chance to visit my other blog (doggies.com), you know that Bonnie is my absolute most favorite talk show host!  Not only is she a hoot, but she also demonstrates a real caring for those around her.  On her web site, she has an area where you can adopt shelter animals (she features them on the show every Wednesday) and another spot where you can donate canned goods to assist Los Angeles-area free pantries.

If you have the time, check out her site, or even better, watch her show and see what you think.  I’m sure you’ll agree she does a great job.  And let me know if you saw Jenny McCarthy yesterday- I’m dying to know what she said.

Starting 2 Newspaper Routes

My babies are growing up!  My oldest son decided to become a paper boy again, and my two younger ones are splitting another route.  This is the big FIRST JOB for the two younger ones.  And, since they are all three so much younger developmentally than their ages would imply, it means that mom now has 2 paper routes, sort of.

Now, don’t take that to mean that I am one of those parents who will take over the route, but let the kids keep the money.  Oh, no!  I am willing to fold the papers and sort them out into the three carrier bags, and I will drive along behind them on their routes to help make sure they go to the right houses, but they have to carry the paper to the porch and talk to their customers.  I also make them try to gain new customers, although I help them by printing fliers asking people to sign up.  (The kids have to deliver the fliers to houses they don’t serve while they are on their routes.)

So, today was the first day.  I was really impressed with all three of them in that they were very excited to have jobs, and they did a pretty good job.  We missed a couple of special instructions, such as leaving the paper by the mailbox or putting it in a certain spot, but those were mostly my fault, as I had the route sheets.  What I had been concerned about was that my two younger ones would fight over who went to which house, but they both listened to where I told them to go, and didn’t whine about “he got more than me!”

My oldest son even struck up a conversation with several of his customers, and asked some people he saw out in their yards if they would like to begin taking the paper.

So, day one went pretty good, but the weather was absolutely beautiful!  We’ll see how it goes on the first rainy day!

Tuesday is Date Night

If you have children, experts say it is vital that you take time away from them to keep your marriage intact.  And if you have kids with problems, that need is magnified a hundred-fold. 

So, we found a great respite provider, and we now take every Tuesday night just for ourselves.  It is expensive, as I pay the guy $20 an hour, but it is well worth it.  Our marriage had really hit a rocky spot awhile ago.  I didn’t think getting away for a night would do much because all of our problems would still be there when we got back.  I was so WRONG!  This has really made all the difference for us.

People say you shouldn’t discuss the kids while you’re out, but we don’t have that rule.  Just getting away from them for awhile – usually just dinner, sometimes a movie.  We only stay out for a couple of hours, but it does give us a chance to unwind.

And our respite provider, Theo Satterwhite (if you’re in Canton or nearby – he’s looking for more clients), is absolutely fabulous.  He gives the boys a much-needed male influence, and our youngest is black, so it really helps that Theo is black, too.  The boys just love rough-housing with him, and he is an excellent role-model.

Every week, Theo allows one of the boys to choose what they will do.  Sometimes, they shoot hoops at the house, somedays they go to his house to play video games.  They go to the dollar movie or to the park.  Sometimes, they pick up Theo’s kids and go somewhere to play.  My middle son, Jimmy, is absolutely in love with Theo’s ex, so they often go to her house to visit.  Always something different.  

I just can’t say enough good things about Theo.  I really believe he single-handedly saved our marriage (or at least made it a lot more pleasant.)  He has also begun coaching my kids in Special Olympics sports and in Challenger Baseball.

If you don’t live near Canton and want a respite provider for your kids, try contacting your local Easter Seals or MRDD organizations.  Most of them have contacts for respite, and some of them even have funding to pay for it.  If your child is adopted, contact your social services agency to see if they have Post-Adoption Subsidy money to help you pay for respite.  In our case, the subsidy is VERY generous.  They won’t pay $20 per hour, but it does help offset what we pay, making this more affordable for us.

Good luck!

Introductions

I suppose I should start by introducing you to the family.  Debbie & I have three wonderful adopted boys, Robbie, Jimmy, and Billy.  We also have four dogs and two cats, as you might have guessed from the url.  The dogs are Maggie (an 8-year old Golden Retriever), Kayla (a 6-year old mutt-i-gree), Cooper (a 3-year old Vizsla), and Penny (a 2-year old Beagle).  The cats are both ordinary housecats, named Twiggy and Panther.

I’m writing this blog, really as a journal, to tell you about my life as a working mother in Canton, OH.  I work for American Electric Power, a large electric utility company, as a credit dispatching supervisor. I also have my own small business (Professional Business Associates).  So naturally, I decided I needed to take on something else, and decided to start this blog.

All of this is only possible because I have a FABULOUS wife, who does virtually everything at the house while I am working.  She is retired from making pretzels at the local Frito-Lay plant.  She cooks, cleans, cares for the animals, and in general, keeps our home life running.

This isn’t to say I’m lazy.  In fact, I work about 12 hours a day.  My “day job” (meaning it’s the one that pays the mortgage) takes up about 8 hours every day.  Then I come home and work on my small business.  My focus is on business support services.  Most of what I do is ghost-writing, where I help other people put their thoughts down in a book or online.  My biggest client is doggies.com, where I write the blog and many of the articles.

But this blog won’t really be about work.  It’s about the home front.  You see, Debbie and I adopted three boys after fostering more than 30 children.  The boys are the light of our lives, but they all have problems because of the environment in which they were born.  So, if you are interested in what happens in a home with three troubled boys, four dogs, and two cats, you might want to subscribe to this blog.  I hope to tell you how we manage all of the activity, as well as to give you a little insight into time management, behavior management, and the fun that results when you throw all of this together!

Welcome to the chaos that is my life!!

Taking a Break

Because my kids have so many issues, we have worked with various agencies to find someone capable of watching them so we can have a night out once a week.  That may sound indulgent or even selfish, but we have had many people tell us that when you are raising troubled kids it is important to take time for yourself.  We resisted this for a long time, just taking breaks like any normal family might do – getting a sitter when we were invited somewhere or when we had an event of some kind.

However, last year, we decided to take the experts’ advice to heart and set up a regular “date night”.  I’ll tell you what, it was the best thing we ever did!  Every Tuesday night, we do something, even if we just stay home alone.  Usually, we go out to dinner or a movie.  One week a month, we have a Red Cross volunteer committee meeting, but we attend together and without the kids so it still gives us a break.

My kids aren’t the type that you can just leave with the teenager next door.  They are all developmentally disabled.  My oldest (Robbie) is 18, but is at about the maturity level of a 10 year old.  The 13-year old (Jimmy) and 10-year old (Billy) both act about 8. 

They all have ADHD, which makes them very impulsive – they basically don’t have an “off” switch or even a “pause” that makes them stop long enough to consider the consequences of what they want to do.  If they have a thought about doing something, they just do it, rather than thinking about what might happen. 

The two older ones also have something called Oppositional Defiant Disorder, which is every bit as annoying as it sounds.  I think this is the hardest thing we have to deal with.  It doesn’t matter what your opinion is, they will take the opposite one.

“Do you guys want to go out for ice cream?”

“No! …(several seconds later)… Wait, what did you say?”

That would be a typical conversation. 

At any rate, because of this, we have to hire specially trained (and very expensive) respite providers, which is just a fancy word for “babysitter who makes more money than I normally have.”  But, this most recent provider (Theo) has been a really good thing for our family.  Theo hates the word babysitter, and describes himself as a mentor.  I can’t say enough about how he has changed things for us.

First of all, he is male, so he provides a good role model for my boys who are being raised by two women.  Secondly, he is black, and my youngest son is, too, so it helps to have a good example of what a black man can be.  Lastly, he is huge, so he is capable of restraining my kids when they get out of control.  His only bad point is that he is a Steelers fan!  We found him through Easter Seals when we needed someone to mentor Billy for a few days last summer.

Theo has been a God-send to us because he is always available when we need him, not just on Tuesday nights.  Today, he took the kids to the IX Center in Cleveland for the annual Indoor Amusement Park.  They came home so jazzed up and excited.  Jimmy didn’t even mind that he had thrown up in one of the rides!   Normally, that would have spoiled his whole day.  Keep in mind these are kids that will not normally ride any rides at the county fair because they are too scared.  Somehow, Theo convinced them to go on nearly every ride at the Center. 

Theo has even begun attending our family counseling sessions (more on that in another post) so we can make sure we’re all on the same page.

Debbie’s and my relationship has really taken a turn for the better since we have begun utilizing respite care.  We had gone through a very rocky patch last year, but things have really smoothed out since we began taking time for ourselves.  I didn’t really believe it would work, because our problems are still there when we get home, but I have been pleasantly surprised.  So, if you are raising troubled kids, I urge you to find some way to get out by yourselves.  You’ll thank me when you see what a difference it makes in your life!