First Dates

My oldest, Robbie, had his first real date a couple of weeks ago when he took his new girlfriend to prom.  He’s liked several girls, and has visited at their house or had them over to ours, but this was the first time he took someone to dinner and out without parents.  I’m so thrilled, as this young lady is so good for him.  They had a blast at prom, then even more fun at after prom.  The school provided an after prom to keep the wild parties to a minimum.  They had several things for the kids to do – velcro suits to jump up & stick yourself to a wall, padded suits to sumo wrestle in, etc.

Not to be outdone, my middle son, Jimmy, decided to turn his 7th-grade dance into a “date”.  Not that he knows what that means, but he liked the idea.  I asked if he was going to kiss his date, and he said, “ewwwwww!”  When we dropped them off, it just cracked me up.  The flyer had said in big capital letters that this was not a formal dance.  All of the boys were on one side, dressed in jeans or shorts.  The girls, on the other side of the school’s driveway, were wearing sparkly dresses, 4″ heels, and fancy hairdos.  The sweetest thing, though, was that one of the boys had brought a single red rose for his girlfriend.  Too cute!

When we picked them up afterwards, we asked them if thye had danced.  Evidently, SHE had spent the evening dancing with teachers, and HE spent the whole time chasing another girl – literally.  He said he ran so fast, he bumped into the bleachers and fell!

The best part is that both of my boys are dating young ladies named “Marissa”!  Such an uncommon name, I can’t believe they both have the same name.

Ah!  The joys of young love!

Respecting Curfew

My respite provider says I am doing this so wrong, so I have to ask your opinion.  A few weeks ago, my oldest son started dating a very nice young lady from his school.  He is 18, she is 19.  They are both very immature due to their disabilities, but she has actually been very good for him.  He is a totally different person when she is around, and is maturing a great deal under her influence.

However, he cannot seem to understand that he still has a curfew, particularly on school nights.  A few weeks ago, he came home from her house well after dark, without having called or made any attempt to let us know he would be late.  (At that point, we didn’t know her phone number, so we couldn’t call to tell him to come home.)  So, we grounded him for 1 week.  We also told him that if he didn’t bother to get up on time the next morning, his grounding would be doubled.  You guessed it, he didn’t get up, so he lost 2 weeks of seeing her outside of school hours.

His grounding ended just in time for prom, so they went to that, but we were transporting so he had no opportunity to break his curfew.

Next, she went to her mom’s house for a week (they have shared parenting).  Since her mom lives a bit further from us than her dad does, we again had to transport Robbie back and forth, so he was home on time.

On Sunday, she moves back to her dad’s house, and Robbie goes to visit.  We told him he needed to leave her dad’s house by 7 pm so he was home by 7:30.  He called home about 5:00 and asked if he could stay for dinner.  Again, we told him he had to leave by 7, but as long as they were done with dinner by then, he was welcome to eat there.

He gets home at 7:45, and lies when we asked him what time he left their house, saying he left at 7:00, until I challenged him on it.  Then, he admitted he left at 7:15.  So, I grounded him from seeing her for a week, but said he could keep his phone privileges this time.

On Monday, he brings her home from school with him!  Now he has lost his phone privileges as well.

My respite provider says I should have just forgiven the 15 minutes.  I think that since this has been an ongoing problem, and since he lied, he was asking for it.  Your opinion?

Who is in Grant’s Tomb?

Remember the old joke about who lies in Grant’s tomb?  This reminded me so much of that, and I just had to share it with you.

I was helping my youngest with his homework, which today was reading a short article about Washington, D.C. and answering some questions about it.  One of the points being made was about all of the historical places located in D.C., one of which was Ford’s Theater, where Lincoln was shot.  The question for that section was “Where was Lincoln shot?”  So, I read the question to my son.  His answer?  “In the back of the head!”  I’d love to see the teacher count that as the wrong answer!

How do you stop a kid from swearing?

We’ve been working with a therapist to try to get my kids to manage their anger in a more constructive way.  This guy, John, is really good.  He works at the Crisis Center here in Canton, in a program called Multi-Systemic Therapy.  The basic idea is that you get everyone who is involved with the child on the same page as far as discipline until you pretty much wear the child down and he chooses to behave.

Healing Autism

Did anybody see The Bonnie Hunt Show yesterday (4/16/09)?  I was at a doctor’s appointment and forgot to set the TiVo before I left.  Jenny McCarthy was supposed to be on, discussing a cure for autism that apparently worked wonders for her son.  Although none of my kids are “officially” autistic, my middle son is awfully darn close.  I just wondered what she had to say – whether it made any sense or not.

If you’ve had a chance to visit my other blog (doggies.com), you know that Bonnie is my absolute most favorite talk show host!  Not only is she a hoot, but she also demonstrates a real caring for those around her.  On her web site, she has an area where you can adopt shelter animals (she features them on the show every Wednesday) and another spot where you can donate canned goods to assist Los Angeles-area free pantries.

If you have the time, check out her site, or even better, watch her show and see what you think.  I’m sure you’ll agree she does a great job.  And let me know if you saw Jenny McCarthy yesterday- I’m dying to know what she said.

Starting 2 Newspaper Routes

My babies are growing up!  My oldest son decided to become a paper boy again, and my two younger ones are splitting another route.  This is the big FIRST JOB for the two younger ones.  And, since they are all three so much younger developmentally than their ages would imply, it means that mom now has 2 paper routes, sort of.

Now, don’t take that to mean that I am one of those parents who will take over the route, but let the kids keep the money.  Oh, no!  I am willing to fold the papers and sort them out into the three carrier bags, and I will drive along behind them on their routes to help make sure they go to the right houses, but they have to carry the paper to the porch and talk to their customers.  I also make them try to gain new customers, although I help them by printing fliers asking people to sign up.  (The kids have to deliver the fliers to houses they don’t serve while they are on their routes.)

So, today was the first day.  I was really impressed with all three of them in that they were very excited to have jobs, and they did a pretty good job.  We missed a couple of special instructions, such as leaving the paper by the mailbox or putting it in a certain spot, but those were mostly my fault, as I had the route sheets.  What I had been concerned about was that my two younger ones would fight over who went to which house, but they both listened to where I told them to go, and didn’t whine about “he got more than me!”

My oldest son even struck up a conversation with several of his customers, and asked some people he saw out in their yards if they would like to begin taking the paper.

So, day one went pretty good, but the weather was absolutely beautiful!  We’ll see how it goes on the first rainy day!

Tuesday is Date Night

If you have children, experts say it is vital that you take time away from them to keep your marriage intact.  And if you have kids with problems, that need is magnified a hundred-fold. 

So, we found a great respite provider, and we now take every Tuesday night just for ourselves.  It is expensive, as I pay the guy $20 an hour, but it is well worth it.  Our marriage had really hit a rocky spot awhile ago.  I didn’t think getting away for a night would do much because all of our problems would still be there when we got back.  I was so WRONG!  This has really made all the difference for us.

People say you shouldn’t discuss the kids while you’re out, but we don’t have that rule.  Just getting away from them for awhile – usually just dinner, sometimes a movie.  We only stay out for a couple of hours, but it does give us a chance to unwind.

And our respite provider, Theo Satterwhite (if you’re in Canton or nearby – he’s looking for more clients), is absolutely fabulous.  He gives the boys a much-needed male influence, and our youngest is black, so it really helps that Theo is black, too.  The boys just love rough-housing with him, and he is an excellent role-model.

Every week, Theo allows one of the boys to choose what they will do.  Sometimes, they shoot hoops at the house, somedays they go to his house to play video games.  They go to the dollar movie or to the park.  Sometimes, they pick up Theo’s kids and go somewhere to play.  My middle son, Jimmy, is absolutely in love with Theo’s ex, so they often go to her house to visit.  Always something different.  

I just can’t say enough good things about Theo.  I really believe he single-handedly saved our marriage (or at least made it a lot more pleasant.)  He has also begun coaching my kids in Special Olympics sports and in Challenger Baseball.

If you don’t live near Canton and want a respite provider for your kids, try contacting your local Easter Seals or MRDD organizations.  Most of them have contacts for respite, and some of them even have funding to pay for it.  If your child is adopted, contact your social services agency to see if they have Post-Adoption Subsidy money to help you pay for respite.  In our case, the subsidy is VERY generous.  They won’t pay $20 per hour, but it does help offset what we pay, making this more affordable for us.

Good luck!

Why Do We Love Kids

Thanks to friend of the blogger, Beth S., for sending this to me.  It’s so true!

Why do we love children?

1) DRIVING
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.  She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

2)  OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’

3)  KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

4) MORE
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked. ‘It sure is,’ I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’

7)  ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

8 )  DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’ ‘And why not, darling?’
‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

9)  DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.  Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his friends had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:  ’Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10)  SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

11)  BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’

NOW IF THIS DIDN’T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT!

Introductions

I suppose I should start by introducing you to the family.  Debbie & I have three wonderful adopted boys, Robbie, Jimmy, and Billy.  We also have four dogs and two cats, as you might have guessed from the url.  The dogs are Maggie (an 8-year old Golden Retriever), Kayla (a 6-year old mutt-i-gree), Cooper (a 3-year old Vizsla), and Penny (a 2-year old Beagle).  The cats are both ordinary housecats, named Twiggy and Panther.

I’m writing this blog, really as a journal, to tell you about my life as a working mother in Canton, OH.  I work for American Electric Power, a large electric utility company, as a credit dispatching supervisor. I also have my own small business (Professional Business Associates).  So naturally, I decided I needed to take on something else, and decided to start this blog.

All of this is only possible because I have a FABULOUS wife, who does virtually everything at the house while I am working.  She is retired from making pretzels at the local Frito-Lay plant.  She cooks, cleans, cares for the animals, and in general, keeps our home life running.

This isn’t to say I’m lazy.  In fact, I work about 12 hours a day.  My “day job” (meaning it’s the one that pays the mortgage) takes up about 8 hours every day.  Then I come home and work on my small business.  My focus is on business support services.  Most of what I do is ghost-writing, where I help other people put their thoughts down in a book or online.  My biggest client is doggies.com, where I write the blog and many of the articles.

But this blog won’t really be about work.  It’s about the home front.  You see, Debbie and I adopted three boys after fostering more than 30 children.  The boys are the light of our lives, but they all have problems because of the environment in which they were born.  So, if you are interested in what happens in a home with three troubled boys, four dogs, and two cats, you might want to subscribe to this blog.  I hope to tell you how we manage all of the activity, as well as to give you a little insight into time management, behavior management, and the fun that results when you throw all of this together!

Welcome to the chaos that is my life!!

Taking a Break

Because my kids have so many issues, we have worked with various agencies to find someone capable of watching them so we can have a night out once a week.  That may sound indulgent or even selfish, but we have had many people tell us that when you are raising troubled kids it is important to take time for yourself.  We resisted this for a long time, just taking breaks like any normal family might do – getting a sitter when we were invited somewhere or when we had an event of some kind.

However, last year, we decided to take the experts’ advice to heart and set up a regular “date night”.  I’ll tell you what, it was the best thing we ever did!  Every Tuesday night, we do something, even if we just stay home alone.  Usually, we go out to dinner or a movie.  One week a month, we have a Red Cross volunteer committee meeting, but we attend together and without the kids so it still gives us a break.

My kids aren’t the type that you can just leave with the teenager next door.  They are all developmentally disabled.  My oldest (Robbie) is 18, but is at about the maturity level of a 10 year old.  The 13-year old (Jimmy) and 10-year old (Billy) both act about 8. 

They all have ADHD, which makes them very impulsive – they basically don’t have an “off” switch or even a “pause” that makes them stop long enough to consider the consequences of what they want to do.  If they have a thought about doing something, they just do it, rather than thinking about what might happen. 

The two older ones also have something called Oppositional Defiant Disorder, which is every bit as annoying as it sounds.  I think this is the hardest thing we have to deal with.  It doesn’t matter what your opinion is, they will take the opposite one.

“Do you guys want to go out for ice cream?”

“No! …(several seconds later)… Wait, what did you say?”

That would be a typical conversation. 

At any rate, because of this, we have to hire specially trained (and very expensive) respite providers, which is just a fancy word for “babysitter who makes more money than I normally have.”  But, this most recent provider (Theo) has been a really good thing for our family.  Theo hates the word babysitter, and describes himself as a mentor.  I can’t say enough about how he has changed things for us.

First of all, he is male, so he provides a good role model for my boys who are being raised by two women.  Secondly, he is black, and my youngest son is, too, so it helps to have a good example of what a black man can be.  Lastly, he is huge, so he is capable of restraining my kids when they get out of control.  His only bad point is that he is a Steelers fan!  We found him through Easter Seals when we needed someone to mentor Billy for a few days last summer.

Theo has been a God-send to us because he is always available when we need him, not just on Tuesday nights.  Today, he took the kids to the IX Center in Cleveland for the annual Indoor Amusement Park.  They came home so jazzed up and excited.  Jimmy didn’t even mind that he had thrown up in one of the rides!   Normally, that would have spoiled his whole day.  Keep in mind these are kids that will not normally ride any rides at the county fair because they are too scared.  Somehow, Theo convinced them to go on nearly every ride at the Center. 

Theo has even begun attending our family counseling sessions (more on that in another post) so we can make sure we’re all on the same page.

Debbie’s and my relationship has really taken a turn for the better since we have begun utilizing respite care.  We had gone through a very rocky patch last year, but things have really smoothed out since we began taking time for ourselves.  I didn’t really believe it would work, because our problems are still there when we get home, but I have been pleasantly surprised.  So, if you are raising troubled kids, I urge you to find some way to get out by yourselves.  You’ll thank me when you see what a difference it makes in your life!